Our last day in Koh Chang started just as we had suspected with a vicious downpour that seemed like it would never cease. Our morning was dedicated to nursing a hangover with some fried rice and a few 1.5 liter bottles of water as we knew our trip back up to Pattaya was going to be another couple hour van ride with at least 2 or 3 people over capacity. Our ride was to pick us up around 3pm so the only thing that Dougie and I needed to take care of was returning the motorbikes, packing up, and checking out of the hotel. Luckily around 2, the sun peered out from the clouds and we had just enough time to get organized before our departure time. We took one of the many "baht buses" back to the pier to make our 1 hour boat ride to land. In Thailand, these baht buses are everywhere and are essentially just a pickup truck that has been modified in the back with some rudimentary seating attempt and some steel bars to latch on to. They follow the same course throughout the day, much like a standard bus line, and every time you get one, its 10 baht per person. If you want them to take you off track, they usually stick it to you pretty good. Nonetheless, it is probably the most convenient way to get around for cheap. Around 4pm, it was time to say goodbye to my own personal paradise, Koh Chang, Thailand.
I relaxed a bit with a bathroom break and a bottle of water but soon we were back on the road. Once we were moving again, I overheard a guy in the van speaking English, not broken sputtered English, but real American, possibly midwest, English. After his conversation with someone else, I felt obligated to ask where he was from, his dialect was way too familiar. He declared he was from Colorado and that he has been working back and forth between the States and SE Asia for the last 15 or some odd years, 6 months here, 6 months there. For the remainder of the trip to Pattaya, this man was going to be our source of humor and knowledge of an area of the world that he clearly knew way too much about.
For some reason, the van we were in made about five stops on the way up north which did not really make sense to me because the 3.5 hour drive all of a sudden took us 6 hours. Sometimes, our stops were completely unwarranted, no refueling, no food, no water, just random stops at flea market type areas so our driver could feed his nicotine habit every 75 minutes or so. We had planned to take some time to relax, nap, and rejuvenate before the long night ahead of us but we were soon realizing that there was going to be little chance for some R and R.
From my experiences, there are two types of people that reside in Colorado; the "redneck, field dress a 10 point buck with their eyes closed" type, and the "let's go to Red Rocks, smoke a blunt or two, listen to some O.A.R., and talk about world conspiracies" type. This guy was certainly the latter. Extremely opinionated, he gave us some insight on the "rules of the road" in SE Asia. It was actually quite entertaining for the most part but he was so far fetched that we had to take his advice in stride, sifting through the bullshit and usable information.
Dougie and I knew that we were going to have to find a place to stay once we got to Pattaya but we also assumed that we would arrive in decent time, not 3 hours past our deadline. Our new Colorado buddy had asked if we had a spot to stay for the night, we obviously did not, and said that he knows a spot where we can get single rooms for about 800 baht per night. It did not take much convincing because we were terribly fatigued and did not want to deal with any of that hassle so we obliged. Around 9:30 or 10pm, we finally got dropped off at our hotel. The guy told us to be down in the lobby in 20 minutes and he would show us a good time in the area around our hotel. It was no problem for us and soon we were again being attacked by the massage girls on Soi 7 and Soi 8.
Things kind of got weird though.
So there we were, walking up and down the main, busy area of Pattaya trying to find a money exchange place. Once again, due to the time of the night, basically every one of these places was closed. Dougie and I said we would stop in a bar for a drink and that our buddy could go wherever he needed to, whether it be an ATM or an actual bank, and we would wait up for him. We grabbed some street meat and sat down at the first place we could find. At the end of all of these little meat on a stick things, the vendors always put a pineapple and a pepper for the final tastes. Stupidly, earlier in the trip, I said I would eat anything that was in front of me. The problem is that I unknowingly ate what was probably the hottest pepper on the face of the planet and spent the next 30 minutes deciding whether I should cry, vomit, or soil myself because this was the most undesirable situation I think I have ever been in. Then, out of nowhere, a beautiful Thai waitress asked us for our drink order and I instinctively composed myself to risk any further embarrassment for not being able to handle a street meat pepper the size of a baby Tootsie Roll.
45 minutes later our Colorado guy showed up at the bar, we walked about two hundred feet to yet another beer bar, and saddled up. This is where the weird part began.
So we were casually sitting there, sipping on a cold Chang, when I felt it was necessary to buy the bartenders a 'lady drink.' They were pumped and brought over the standard games of choice, Jenga and Jackpot. Everything was going fine when all of a sudden, the girls we were with had to get up on the bar and start dancing. We had walked by so many places and seen this so many times that it seemed to be par for the course and I didn't think anything of it. Next thing you know, the guy we were with starts snapping. Snapping on me, snapping on the bartenders, and calling for the manager. I was dumbfounded. I had no idea what could have caused this but this guy was a treat to begin with so I figured I'd wait to see what kinds of shenanigans he had up his sleeve this time. The reason he was so angry was because the girls left our game to start dancing. That was it. He said it was an insult to me, and since I had bought them a drink, I essentially bought their time as well. He went on about how everything in the Thai culture with men is about face. How men react if they screw up, are insulted, or something of the sort. I told him it really wasn't a big deal and he retorted saying that they will never respect me if I don't stand up for myself. This was nowhere near the time or the place for a confrontation but he was adamant and felt if I wasn't going to say something, it was now his turn. Next thing you know, he is swearing at the manager, demanding I am refunded, and is telling me to dump my drink out on the bar. Dougie and I were secretly laughing inside because this was ridiculous. Next thing you know, the manager gives me my money back and our buddy says we are leaving. The last thing the girls saw from me that night was a shoulder shrug and a look telling them, "What the hell just happened. I have no idea who this guy is."
On the way to the next street full of bars, the next sermon on our Colorado buddy's list was what it takes to be a Thai man and that we will never attain such a thing in our lives. Then he started basically telling us how to pick up women and by that point, both Dougie and I knew that our time with this guy was coming to an abrupt halt, we just needed a scapegoat. Sure enough, my prayers were answered as we rounded the corner for Soi 8 and my Thai angel lay in the shadows of The Good Time bar. We told our buddy that were were going to grab a beer at this spot and if he needs us, to swing on back, otherwise we were just going to set up shop here for the night. He agreed and went on his way, never to be seen again.
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